Some last lines
by sevenofmine
Summary: Ianto writes Jack a letter, explaining why he couldn't cope with their situation and why he ran away... OS


**What Ianto is writing in this letter does not necessarily express my opinion about their relationship.**

Dear Jack,

I know that you will find this later only when you tried calling me a hundred of times for your morning coffee. I would have placed a cup on your desk if it wasn't cold by now. I wrote this letter yesterday evening but its content is not of spontaneous overreaction. Let me start with when we first met. I rescued you from that Weevil and you thanked me but let me go. I had just lost Torchwood and Lisa and your ignorance just added up to that. But I decided to come back. I needed a new job and Torchwood was all I ever had. How glad I was when you finally accepted me in, although only for simple services.

You kept ignoring me or treating me like a butler, but at least, I was in. You know we got closer and ended up in something you would probably call a relationship. But nevertheless, I had the feeling you kept preferring the others and used me only for your good from day to day. I began to understand you better and I doubt that you liked that. If you wanted it or not, I saw that you are just another human being – although more troubled than the rest of us. And I understand that. You have seen thins I cannot even imagine, you're out of your time and I can't think about even living a few decades in the past.

What I was scared about, was your self-confidence. You travelled back in time to meet your 'doctor' and you even waited over one century for just to meet him. Then you run off with him and later you return with the simple explanation that 'The Doctor' couldn't heal you. Did you really not know how I felt? How do you feel towards the Doctor when he doesn't know what you feel towards him? Or have you happily lived together while you were gone? You never tell. You never mention your past, your future – most time not even your present.

You seem always happy, nearly always caring for your friends. But I always had the feeling that you felt rather attracted to Gwen instead of me. And not only Gwen, because she was sexier and glibber than me, but also you let Tosh and Owen do their things and I always felt like the last choice for you. Yes, you told me things no one else should hear and you gave me responsibilities no one actually should have.

Were you really surprised when Gwen found out about the people coming back through the rift? I am pretty sure you knew immediately it was me. Perhaps you didn't understand why I did this and perhaps you don't understand now, but one day you will. Probably when I won't be on this Earth anymore but lying silently under it.

You must have always known it, each time you were close to me, each time you kissed me and each time we made out you must have felt how transient we all are. My life time is short in comparison to yours but which one of us is luckier? You have seen wonderful things but terrible at the same time and you know that everyone around you will die and you have no other possibility than to move on. Is that the reason why you used me like a prostitute, fucking me when it was fun but never really saying that you actually love me?

I always had to come towards you and when did you embrace me and kissed me as a lover? From time to time it would have felt good and not only when my memories were manipulated by an alien, when I was about to take an amnesia pill or when we needed to get to see a corpse in a hospital. You take me as normal, as if all men in the world would be waiting in a queue to get your attention. And maybe yes, they do, but still, I never volunteered for that, it just happened.

Perhaps you have lived to long to know what love is and that it naturally happens, but it did to me. Like when I saw Lisa for the first time or shortly after Suzie died. And even then, you could do nothing more than pretend that we're two colleagues.

I could continue all that but I think you get the point, Jack. I don't know how many relationships you already had and how they ended but I can give you an advice. Treat your men, women and Weevils as if they were equal beings. Not everyone can be as perfect to you and we only have a short life time. Try to make us think that we are something special to you and that you will always remember us.

Because I fear that when you put this letter into your lowest desk drawer, you will forget that it is there and that someone wrote it who loved you with all he could. And I still cannot believe that whatever you do, did or will do, you'll be the only guy I ever loved and you will stay in my heart for ever. Please do not forget me, whatever happens to both of us.

Yours, Ianto

**Please review.**


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